Continuation (3) — “On the Usefulness of Depression”...

We look at the world, at other human beings, and at ourselves, and there is continually a force within us saying that something more than what exists could exist and be realised. See it, and realise it. We continually say to one another: you are not using all your capacities; you can do better; I can do better; the world can be a better place. If the capacity to see what is and transform it into what it could be—a drive toward transcendence—were not fundamental within us, how could we continually focus on the world and the human being that ought to be realised but has not yet been realised?

Each of us has an inner voice that speaks to us like a critic: a voice continually telling us to do something, do better, change, transform, move upward. Whenever we fail to do so, the voice grows louder and more critical. Eventually, this voice pulls us out of the vague and confused state of our mind. Yet our inability to fulfil its demands, and our failure to understand how we should travel this path and what we should do, draw us into the dark and cold valley of depression. There we are left alone with this voice repeating relentlessly in our ears: do something, find a way, or your life will be wasted and you will remain forever in this cold and heavy darkness.

Alchemy begins with lead and can end with lead. Many people come to an end at this very point. Many wish to return to the original confused matter and seek refuge in medication, drugs, and alcohol to escape this troubling voice. They wish that damned inner voice did not exist so that they could simply be happy and avoid suffering. At the heavy price of temporary unconsciousness, they silence the voice for a while, yet the suffering does not stop. Whenever they open their eyes to life the next morning in a hangover, the voice begins again.

Among all those who hear this voice, only a few listen. Among the few who listen, only a very small number, after failing to meet its demands and falling into the leaden state of depression, try to find a fire and a hammer with which to continue the alchemical process. Among those who remain focused on turning this lead into gold, only a handful will travel this difficult path stage by stage until the realisation of the Self. Yet even among the highest alchemists there is no one who did not once begin from lead.

Aydin Areta
September 2019